hi my name is Stephanie and i'm beautiful....

This week I went to my cousin's baby shower, and while it was a great time I can never seem to take exactly what I packed back home. I'm known for always leaving something behind. Well this time I left my makeup bag! I know you're probably thinking that I'm pretty full of myself and you know I just may be. Beauty is such a weighty subject and I will attempt to decipher the inside franticness that occurred when I realized I left the make up bag...

In Ephesian 6 Paul discusses having the shield of faith to extinguish the darts from the evil one.If this armor is assembled it allows you to have full protection from your adversaries. You can't go out to war without protection , it's practically suicide. Well let me let you in on a sin outta my bag of many. That makeup bag was in one way my shield of self esteem. I don't wear much just a light coat and a minimal amount of eye shadow, topped off with my mascara, but that process does something to me. It gives me "protection". I feel confident and I don't feel like anyone is watching oddly enough i don't feel like I'm noticed with makeup on. The blemishes are covered up (well at least , I think they are) about the age of 12 ACNE started and it has literally affected my life , it just happened! I just got tired of explaining what was happening to my face meanwhile my insides were deteriorating . On some days I loved my face , blemishes and all and on some days I couldn't get out of my room. I will not get into the self esteem issues any further, than the fact that it seeps into and destroys everything. It affects how you view yourself and how you communicate with others.
My issues of self esteem will never cease but one thing that did change it was Christ. These blemishes remind me of my sin and struggles and sometimes its unbearable.I know that I'm beautiful but the times I know beauty is when I'm finding my confidence in Christ. He tells me I'm beautiful in his word he describes me as priceless, bought by the love of Christ. He tells me he knows every hair on my head and that he knew me before I was formed. He provides me with a loving mother and father to support me. It's frustrating that even with that said I find myself still trying to cover it all up. Is he not Enough? I really am marred inside and I constantly need Christ because I am nothing. I really am worthless without Christ. These blemishes have turned into scars , reminders that sometimes I cannot stand to see. I probably can't get my bag for months now. Until then my face will be naked. I will be showing my weakness and give Christ the glory for getting me through it. Even though I don't deserve it all. This is such a trivial subject for such a deep issue. My outside appearance sometimes reflects what's going on inside. I am hoping that God would create in me a new heart and that it would yearn and thirst for him in a way that I would have nothing else to rely on.