A Mirror is Harder to Hold.

Those that know Jesus, how much do you really love him? I mean ask yourself how much do you really love him? Are you willing to sacrifice, fight? Are you willing to deny everything that keeps you from him simply because he's greater? Simply because you love him? Are you willing to love him in the moments where nothing is happening and hold on to him when chaos comes? Are you willing to run after him, chase after him until you can't anymore? Do you love him because you've been told to love him or do you love him because he sought to save you when you deserved hell, when you were beyond dead in your sins? We use love so freely, tonight I'm asking myself how much do I love this man,this God I claim to follow? Do I love him to the point when I care not about me but rather him glorifying himself through me? Do I love him enough to walk the narrow road alone when others oppose me. Am I willing to be alone? Am I willing to drop certain friends, make career choices, humble myself? We sing this in songs,we say this with our words but do we mean it. Are We Willing?
I know and I remember vividly what life was before Christ. I knew not of my sickness until I was offered redemption. Before Christ I was a selfish , harlot, who thrived on perfection and approval for others. I was in the top of my class. I was leading many children at church. I was popular and intelligent. I was living for nothing, fighting for nothing but what I wanted. I was a hypocrite and I was hopeless.

Lately I have been running in a direction that may seem to be detrimental, but Christ being abundant in grace is always calling me back. I want to run hard like I'm in a marathon. I want to live the words my savior spoke.
The problem is I have been relying on my strength to be perfect. I have forgotten that I need complete dependence on Christ and the Holy Spirit.
 How much of our love are we showing Christ in private. Are we loving him, are we praising him for his awesomeness, for his faithfulness? Are we following him besides just what is evident to others?
I hope this propels self examination, I hope this proves how much a fallen girl like me needs such a super savior.

it stands on GRACE

Where does joy come from? Is it experience? Is it innate? Who gives it? How do you find it? Is it something that I can pick up or does it come when it wants to?
Being saved for me means becoming a kid again. It's life before Eve ate the fruit , innocence. It's the risk taking , childlike faith that believes that my, that OUR God could do anything. The older we get the more foolish, who are we to act like we know more than Christ. In our attempts of being 'wise' we become idiots because we attempt to put it all on ourselves by how many chapters we've read, how many verses we've memorized, how much sin did we kill today. Our measuring cup is all wrong, pour it out. IT MEANS NOTHING. We can't work up to Christ, he came down to be with us, he came down to pour his blood , sweat, tears and his words out for us. That's where joy lays, no one can take that away because its truth. No feelings, no emotions, joy simply stands on its own, it stands on GRACE. It stands on the unmerited favor that God has chosen to give his followers. It has nothing to do with anything we've done rather everything Christ has done for us.